Ripping Rideshare Yarns: The Barf Series part 3, The Good Samaritan and The Spewing Son

The Rideshare Car Barf Series

Often when people find out I’m a rideshare driver, or when they’re riding with me, they want to hear my craziest rideshare stories. Nine out of ten times they want to know if anybody ever threw up in my car.

So here you go. Installment three of The Rideshare Car Barf Series, an adventure in three parts (yes, there are more where these came from).

In which the inevitable occurs.

Yes, it’s the barf story.

Don’t worry, it has a reasonably upbeat resolution.

I’m in Downtown Albuquerque late on a weekend night when the ride comes in. A bar next to a venue where a show just got out.

As I pull up the host runs out (familiar scenario…) and asks if I’m there for the drunk people across the street. I sigh.

“Yes, I guess I am.”

“Great! Let me get them.”

The way this works, which I neglected to make explicit in Part 1, in which a bar host handed me a passed-out man and gave me the wrong destination, is that the bar, or even the bar host, has an account with the rideshare service and thus the bar covers the cost for their inebriated customer. The reason I mention this now shall be revealed in due time.

I look across the street to see a young couple unsteadily get up from the sidewalk and stumble towards, and eventually into, the car. The host thanks me, I make sure they’re ready to go, and I ask them, “are y’all ok for this? You going to make it without throwing up or anything?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he says, "I can make it, no problem." She concurs, as he leans pathetically on the door.

Being a trusting sort, I take them at their word, and we ease gingerly away from the cacophony of downtown.

We’ve got about a 20 minute drive ahead of us, so I have some time to get a handle on what exactly went down.

Turns out she’s 20 (under drinking age) and 100% sober. He’s 24 and got absolutely destroyed at some show. And they’re siblings. I’m taking them to their parent’s house!

From an Uber Help page for drivers (fig. 2)

I remind them several times throughout the ride that I can pull over anytime if he needs me to. Just let me know. I’ve done it many times.

People universally respond favorably to this offer, since they know rideshare services will slap them with a hefty cleaning fee, rumored to be as much as $350 USD (false, uber.com, 2022).

I’m reluctant to dispel that rumor, because it deters people, but the charge isn’t actually that high. Which actually sucks for drivers, because it’s not just about the cleaning costs, it’s about losing a few days of work while you let the atrocious odor dissipate enough to allow people in your car again. The opportunity cost of that should be well above even a $350 fee. But, again, people will do just about anything to avoid that fee (in some cases to a tragic degree; KRQE Media, 2019).

About 3 blocks from their house, he just starts ejecting noxious stomach contents all over my door and himself without warning. Like most car doors, mine have several wells for drinks, in the armrest and so on, which work perfectly for collecting chunky streams of twenty-something vomit. I assure you it sounds , looks and smells so much more revolting in person than reading about it.

To put it mildly, I expressed my dissatisfaction with this turn of events, and texted the bar host to let him know.

A very disappointed mother...
Photo by Muhammad-taha Ibrahim (fig. 3)

Plot Twist One

The "host" was not actually the host of the bar. Or connected to it in any way.

This kind man had simply paid for their ride as a good samaritan who happened by. Textbook good samaritan, even. So, I could not in good conscience bill him for this. “Spitting mad” might describe my state at that point (not “spitting UP mad”, mind you - although that would be… interesting).

Plot Twist Two

When we arrived at the house, awaiting us was an almost equally angry but rather more disappointed mother, who helped me clean the most disgusting part of her son’s transgressions. She insisted on paying for any professional cleaning I wanted, and tipped me for my troubles.

Needless to say, that was the end of my driving that evening (and for a few days after). But really now, can you even call yourself a driver if you haven’t had somebody puke in your car?

We've arrived at our destination

For those of us who drive, an incident like this costs far more than cleaning fees. Depending on how many hours a driver works on average (and lots of other variables including tips), it can mean between $200 and $400 a day. We can clean the mess but no matter what you do, the smell lingers for days. I can't in good conscience have people in my car, especially in a New Mexico winter, with that kind of odor. So a few days forced vacation can cost me north of $500 easily.

The rumor that Uber and Lyft charge $350 for cleanup is false. It's more like $80, which is about half of what a reputable detailer would set me back. Of course I can clean and sanitize the mess myself, which I did when somebody spilled beer they snuck into the back seat, and another time when somebody sat a cooler on the back seat that leaked about a quart of posole. Those did not work out well, even with enzymatic cleaners.

So, people, please remember this and give your driver fair warning if you feel your evening coming back up to haunt you. If we're out picking up rides when the bars close, we're likely the type who won't judge you, and will pull over immediately, stop so you can open a door, or even have a bag you can use. Then we'll all have another good story, and be no worse for the wear.

Missed Part 1 or Part 2? Or maybe you want to watch some surströmming videos now?

References

Figure 1. Pixabay. (2017). Pink Panther plush toy on brown bench miniature [Online Stock Photo Image used as background image]. In Pexels.

    https://www.pexels.com/photo/pink-panther-plush-toy-on-brown-bench-miniature-209620/

Figure 2. Google translate language search interface [Screen Capture from Mobile App]. In Google Translate App.

Figure 3. Ibrahim, M. (2020). Wistful black woman with eyes closed touching face in thoughts [Pexels.com]. In Pexels.

    https://www.pexels.com/photo/wistful-black-woman-with-eyes-closed-touching-face-in-thoughts-5798114/

KRQE Media. (2019, July 2). Albuquerque Uber driver charged in fatal shooting of passenger. KRQE NEWS 13 - Breaking News, Albuquerque News, New Mexico News, Weather, and Videos; Nexstar Media Inc.

    https://www.krqe.com/news/albuquerque-metro/albuquerque-uber-driver-charged-in-fatal-shooting-of-passenger/

A rider made a mess in my vehicle. Uber; Uber.

    https://help.uber.com/driving-and-delivering/article/a-rider-made-a-mess-in-my-vehicle?nodeId=6a60bda7-d8a6-46b7-bd95-2cdf62c7e987

The Good Samaritan and The Spewing Son

The Rideshare Car Barf Series

"I'm sure I can make it."

:-/

In which the inevitable occurs.

Plot Twist One

Plot Twist Two

We've arrived at our destination

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References